That’s Life

The Five Ws

It’s time I dig deeper into my thoughts and really try find the answers I so long seek. So the next five days, I will attempt to question my thoughts and reflect my current position in my life. So stay tuned! If you’re not familiar with the Five Ws these are the following:

*Who
*What
*When
*Where
*Why

Holding in the tears

Is it strength to know when it’s time to let go or hold on. Man, driving back home from a crazy night out with family and celebrating a good day, and just holding it in. Windows down and listening to sad love songs. Please don’t ask why, the feeling just kicked in. Just thinking about her, and the feeling really sucks. It’s hard to explain but those long drives at night sometimes really get to you. Deep down I cannot accept the truth, but I really need to and move on. No point on hanging on something that won’t flourish at all. Well, at the end of the day, we have choices to make, and I can’t feel sorry for myself forever, pick myself up and carry on in this cruel world. I always believed she was the one and how important she was to me. So some degree she will always be that girl in my heart and I will love her as a friend. Right peeps, night time calls!

Slip away…

你總以為夢想可以等，但很多時候等著等著，就一輩子了。

You’ve always thought that dreams could wait, but life could slip away very quickly without you even noticing.

6 Ways To Accept Others As They Are

• Watch your thoughts. Think about what you’re thinking about. I often think things about other people, judging them, without even realizing it. I’m going to work on paying more attention to my thoughts and do my best to push them in a non-judgmental, more accepting direction.
   
• Look for the positive. Not accepting others is a result of seeing the negative in them. Instead of focusing on why someone is different, I’m going to focus on what’s good about that person and his/her choices and actions. My way is not always the best one.
• Avoid right/wrong dichotomies. It’s very tempting to see the world in black and white with a right and wrong way to do things, but that’s just not how it is. Things don’t have to be right or wrong if I choose to accept them as they are. I’m going to stop labeling my way as “right.”
• Stop judging yourself. Our judgments of others are often a result of our personal criticisms. If I stop putting pressure on myself to do things the “right” way, I’ll also stop putting pressure on others as well. Not judging myself or others is a crucial step to acceptance.
• Focus on the now. A lack of acceptance can generate from comparing things to the past. I’m not going to think about what happened before and try to live accordingly; I’m going to think about now. Comparing things to the past always hinders an acceptance of what is.
• Reverse the situation. I ask myself: What if someone were judging me and not accepting me? How would I feel? I’ll keep these questions in mind the next time I’m not accepting others. I will imagine someone constantly telling me to slow down (and how annoying that would be!).

 

Clearly I have a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting others — especially those closest to me. It’s so easy to abstractly think of yourself as an accepting person, but when it comes to your daily interactions, really pay attention to them and ask yourself if you are accepting others as they are. Are you really accepting them? Are you really not thinking your way of doing things is the best way? If you find that you’re not as accepting of others as you’d like to be, think about the six ideas above and see if they don’t help you to be a more accepting, more loving person. And remember: the only way to live a positive and present life is to accept what is, something you certainly can’t do if you don’t accept others for who they are.

When You Feel Like Quitting Remember Why You Started..

9 Reasons Perfectionism Is a Bad Thing

This is all relatable to me haha! What’s wrong with wanting something to be perfect? Nothing, unless it’s leading to your failure. And that is exactly what can happen to perfectionists.

Perfectionism refers to an all-or-nothing mentality: Something is either perfect or a failure; there is one right way and the rest are wrong.

Here are nine ways perfectionism may be leading to failure for you.

1. You are never done.

For perfectionists with such high standards, a project is never done because it doesn’t meet the criteria for “perfect.” As a result, you keep working on a task but never complete it. When I was writing my first book, A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, it took me more than two years to complete it because I was focused on making it perfect before getting it published. Maybe for you it’s a new website, an email to a new client or an article that would help market your business. All that avoidance of sharing your ideas, products or services is delaying and even preventing you and your business from growing.

2. You are stressed and discontent.

Perfectionism is extremely stressful because you’re constantly worrying about making everything perfect. Nothing is ever good enough, and that mindset robs you of ever feeling satisfied and fulfilled from your work.

3. You don’t take risks.

Although ostensibly about wanting things to be perfect, perfectionism is actually fueled by an intense fear of failure. As a result, you often adopt a mindset of, If I can’t do it perfectly, then I won’t even try. So you don’t go for the new job, apply to give a TEDx Talk or pitch a media outlet that could help market your business. In essence, your fear of failure actually makes you fail.

4. Your creativity is suffocated.  

If you are constantly stressed about doing something perfectly (and not failing), then your imagination and creativity are squashed. And innovation, which is necessary for positive change and success, is hindered for a perfectionist.

5. You strive to keep everyone happy.

As a perfectionist, you are often a people pleaser, wanting others to think highly of you. With your all-or-nothing thinking, you see yourself as “good” if people like you and “bad” if they don’t. And with people pleasing comes a lot of difficulty making decisions and avoiding important conversations, for fear that you’ll upset someone else. As such, your work is often crippled.

6. You’re highly critical of others.

Perfectionists are constantly judging themselves. And because what we say to ourselves is often reflected in how we interact with other people, you’re probably judging other people, too. You might overtly point out what other people do wrong or be more passive aggressive, saying things like, “It must’ve been nice to be able to go home at 5 p.m. instead of finishing your work.” Being highly critical of others reduces the productivity of your team, and that can lead to your failure.

7. You can’t delegate.

Being a perfectionist often means you have a hard time delegating tasks to others. With an all-or-nothing mentality, you most likely believe that there is a right way to do something and that everything else is wrong. And because other people don’t always have the same understanding, you might not approve of their way. So you think, It’s just easier to do it myself. But not delegating when you need to can cause all kinds of problems for your business and stress on yourself.

8. You personalize everything.

A perfectionist has conditional self-worth, meaning you believe in yourself—if things go perfectly, if people like you, if you do a good job. Hearing any kind of negative feedback is pretty tough because you tend to personalize it, thinking something is either perfect or it’s a failure. And then you take it a step further: If I failed, then I’m a failure. This personalizing prevents you from getting the feedback you need to become better, which can ultimately lead to real failure.

9. You never rest.

Perfectionists often have the belief that I will rest (or play) when the job is done. Of course, the job is never done because it’s never perfect enough. As such, you are at increased risk for burnout, which is a surefire way to have your business or career fail.

Expectancy

It’s been a while since I wrote my own post, besides sharing my thoughts that I’ve stumbled across while browsing the internet. I just want to get my thoughts down because I think this feeling isn’t a good one.

Expectancy. Something that I pray will happen in the near future. Sometimes it’s frustrating to find the right girl, but one day when everything blows over and I’ll look back at this…it’ll be silly. At the end of the day, I feel her expectations are too high for me, as stupid as it sounds I can’t meet her requirements and that’s to me is just silly love. For me to meet those requirements will take a period of time and she won’t wait till then. There are those who reach their destinations faster than others and for me I’m one of the slower ones unfortunately. Maybe there are days I understand she is trying to motivate me, but to really convince myself, it is too mind boggling.

Maybe I’m scared at turning to the next page because there’s no flicking back; life goes on. I’m getting older and even the greatest can’t compete with time. If she can’t accept the person I am, then what’s the point? I might be overthinking this, like always but to be honest she’s better off finding someone that fulfil her requirements. I’m sure I’ll find someone who will accept me for who I am. There are so many things I need to accomplish in the next five years it’s so scary just thinking about it, but at the same time it’ll very rewarding.

Too much pressure at the moment, and the burden just thinking about her is too much to carry.

Top 10 Warning Signs You Need a New Job

Sometimes, we wait too long to recognize that a job situation is not a good fit, but waiting can have negative consequences. It can be easier to stay, especially when you get along well with your colleagues but aren’t thrilled with the job.

However, sometimes it’s a good idea to make the difficult decision that you need a change.

Staying isn’t always the right decision, even when it’s not easy to leave. Waiting too long to find a new job can cause serious stress, resulting in depression, relationship problems, and residual anger. If you don’t appropriately plan your resignation, you may find yourself at your wit’s end one day and end up quitting on the spot, which will ruin your chances to maintain a positive relationship with your past employer. Or worse, you could end up getting fired because you’re not productive.

You can prevent these possibilities by recognizing some of the signs that your job is unsustainable, before the situation reaches a crisis status.

Here are the top 10 signs that you might need a new job.

1. You are already thinking about finding a new job. Barring the occasional, bad-day-induced, “I need a new job, now!,” if you’ve already been mulling over the thought of leaving your job, chances are, that rumination is happening for a good reason.

If your dislike for your job, your co-workers, or your boss is constantly on your mind, you should take that as a sign that it’s time to start job searching.

2. Your conversations with your family and friends become dominated by complaints and laments about your work day. If every dinner conversation starts and ends with a negative commentary about your day at work, it might be time to find a job that will incite not complaints but instead productive discussion about your professional challenges, lessons learned, and the day’s highlights.

3. You find yourself frequently dreaming about retirement – even if you’re young. Do you spend all day dreaming about retirement, calculating the years, months, and days until the time comes? Don’t spend your professional life in countdown mode. Instead, take that feeling and use it as motivation to find a position that is satisfying and emotionally fulfilling.

4. Your sleep patterns have been disrupted. You have difficulty getting to sleep, or you wake up during the night with worries about your job. Sleep is very important to your health, and job-induced stress can be a cause of poor sleep. Unfortunately, this can exacerbate a difficult situation, making a bad job seem even worse.

Being tired all the time can make everything seem like a challenge.

5. You have developed headaches, frequent colds, or other physical symptoms of stress. Your physical health can sometimes be an indicator of your mental health, and if you’re feeling generally sick or have a sense of enduring malaise, your job might be to blame. If your job is making you sick, that’s a good indicator that it’s time to look for a new position.

6. You have increased your consumption of alcohol or drugs to escape your problems. While it’s okay to relax with a glass of wine after work, your day shouldn’t be driving you to down a bottle or pour glass after glass of vodka tonic. If you find that your work is causing your copious consumption of alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, you should take some time to reflect on your professional situation.

7. Your appetite is suppressed, or you are eating more than usual. Some people turn to food in the same way they do to drugs and alcohol, but stress can also cause you to lose your appetite overall. If you’re eating or drinking too much because of stress at work, it’s a sign that this may not be the job for you.

8. You dread Mondays, or you have trouble waking up for work in the morning. It’s normal to be tired in the morning, but you shouldn’t feel a pit-inducing dread or thought-consuming anxiety when it’s time to work.

9. You are less productive at work, lack passion, and are bored more often. If you’re checking Facebook every ten minutes, playing around with Pinterest, constantly find yourself on YouTube, or are bored with every task, you might need to look for a more mentally stimulating job.

10. You are arguing more often with co-workers or bosses and don’t feel you have control over your work. If your dissatisfaction with your job is causing tension in the office, it’s definitely time to start looking for a new position. It’s better to leave a job on good terms so you can keep your past employer as a source for recommendations and as a network connection. It’s also important to avoid being fired if you can help it.

Of course, these signs can be indicators of other personal, emotional, or physical problems, but if you are stressed about work and experiencing some of these symptoms then you certainly need to reevaluate your employment situation.

What to Do Next

If you’ve made the decision to move on, don’t just quit your job. In most cases, you can carefully and strategically start looking for a new position before you turn in your resignation. It’s easier to get hired when you’re working, you don’t know how long it will take you to find another job, and you may not be able to collect unemployment benefits if you quit.

Rather, take the time to plan your job search. In addition to getting you out of a bad situation, it will give you something else to focus on instead of the job you’re not happy with.

0 days Left – Negative Thoughts

I don’t really know why I’m still hoping. 15 months later since I wrote “0 Days Left – My Love To You” my thoughts have changed…not my feelings. I still must apologise for not getting to where I need to be, and for me it’s frustrating and it seems like a battle I won’t win.

How do you tell a girl you love her, I mean really love her? She’s the only reason I’m still fighting on, and no matter how hard it gets, I won’t give up. Although our circumstances have changed, I still feel it doesn’t make a difference. She’s at the other side of the world, and enjoying her new life. I’m really happy for her, but the sad feeling swells deep inside knowing she’s outgrown me…I feel I’ll just let her down. When you really care about someone, their happiness matters more than yours.

There are days I question myself what my true purpose in life is, but really I’m trying to secure a concrete future…for you and a family of our one day. To be honest, when I think about the future, all I have is you in my mind and nobody else. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love dreaming, because in my dreams, you’re actually mine.

At some point, I have to realise that she doesn’t care that much, and for me I could be missing out on someone who actually does. Whenever I want to move on, she always linger on my mind, and it halts my move. There is somebody else who I want, but do I go? It’s hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen. But it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.

The worse battle is between what you know and how you feel. Regardless of this, I won’t be in any position to call you mine. Why would she possibly go for someone like me, I mean in the position I’m in at this very moment, she can meet somebody else at the other side of the world, and take it from there. Okay, I might be thinking negative, but the truth hurts. Whenever I see her smile, she melts my heart away like no other. The conflict within is killing me. What do I do? Three years ago, when I told her how I felt about her, it didn’t go the way I’d imagined it, and no matter how messed up you think you were, how bad your faults and flaws were, to me she was always amazing. Action speaks louder than words, but the worse part I’ve missed your physical presence for way too long, that if our paths were to cross and I stumble into, I’ll be speechless.

Like I said before my time is not ripe, but I assure you I will get there. There are days where I question myself because I feel like you’re waiting for me but at the same time I’m just thinking nonsense. For me that’s hope but that also destroys me inside. I hope one day when she reads this, she knows how I truly feel about her and, what my plans are for us in the future are. Eventually we’ll end up where we need to be, with who we’re meant to be with, and doing what we should be doing. Patience is key.

Sometimes the person you want most is the person you’re best without…