Monthly Archives: February 2018
Arranged Marriage Kinda
Today me and my mother went down to London for a Buddhist meeting, but her real intention was to try hook me up with this Hong Kong girl. She already told me beforehand, maybe a few weeks ago and I was reluctant to not go…however for my mum I didn’t want her to go on her own this time round.
Anyways long story short, I saw this girl in the meeting, and first glimpse was like cool cool cool 😃 didn’t talk to her for almost a good hour before it was lunch, gave her a few eye contacts. Until my mum introduced me to her and we got along. Sat next to her closely, felt a funny vibe going on, awkwardly leaning more to her. Petite and cheerful 🤗
After the meeting finished, waved goodbye and life goes on. Tbh at the moment I kinda missed her. My mum called me silly for not getting her number or whatever, but to me for my mum to arrange this hookup it didn’t feel right, for that sense it’s like what makes my parents happy, and not me. She’s a nice girl, and my mum kept mentioning her name now and then to keep the interest going, but truth be told, I’m good thanks mum.
At the end of the day, I know who I want and deep down I know the answer. I feel this event has kinda been forced and I don’t like that. I want to be with someone who I’m happy to be with. Nice to be acquainted with the girl I met today 🙏
一生一心
9 Reasons Perfectionism Is a Bad Thing
This is all relatable to me haha! What’s wrong with wanting something to be perfect? Nothing, unless it’s leading to your failure. And that is exactly what can happen to perfectionists.
Perfectionism refers to an all-or-nothing mentality: Something is either perfect or a failure; there is one right way and the rest are wrong.
Here are nine ways perfectionism may be leading to failure for you.
1. You are never done.
For perfectionists with such high standards, a project is never done because it doesn’t meet the criteria for “perfect.” As a result, you keep working on a task but never complete it. When I was writing my first book, A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, it took me more than two years to complete it because I was focused on making it perfect before getting it published. Maybe for you it’s a new website, an email to a new client or an article that would help market your business. All that avoidance of sharing your ideas, products or services is delaying and even preventing you and your business from growing.
2. You are stressed and discontent.
Perfectionism is extremely stressful because you’re constantly worrying about making everything perfect. Nothing is ever good enough, and that mindset robs you of ever feeling satisfied and fulfilled from your work.
3. You don’t take risks.
Although ostensibly about wanting things to be perfect, perfectionism is actually fueled by an intense fear of failure. As a result, you often adopt a mindset of, If I can’t do it perfectly, then I won’t even try. So you don’t go for the new job, apply to give a TEDx Talk or pitch a media outlet that could help market your business. In essence, your fear of failure actually makes you fail.
4. Your creativity is suffocated.
If you are constantly stressed about doing something perfectly (and not failing), then your imagination and creativity are squashed. And innovation, which is necessary for positive change and success, is hindered for a perfectionist.
5. You strive to keep everyone happy.
As a perfectionist, you are often a people pleaser, wanting others to think highly of you. With your all-or-nothing thinking, you see yourself as “good” if people like you and “bad” if they don’t. And with people pleasing comes a lot of difficulty making decisions and avoiding important conversations, for fear that you’ll upset someone else. As such, your work is often crippled.
6. You’re highly critical of others.
Perfectionists are constantly judging themselves. And because what we say to ourselves is often reflected in how we interact with other people, you’re probably judging other people, too. You might overtly point out what other people do wrong or be more passive aggressive, saying things like, “It must’ve been nice to be able to go home at 5 p.m. instead of finishing your work.” Being highly critical of others reduces the productivity of your team, and that can lead to your failure.
7. You can’t delegate.
Being a perfectionist often means you have a hard time delegating tasks to others. With an all-or-nothing mentality, you most likely believe that there is a right way to do something and that everything else is wrong. And because other people don’t always have the same understanding, you might not approve of their way. So you think, It’s just easier to do it myself. But not delegating when you need to can cause all kinds of problems for your business and stress on yourself.
8. You personalize everything.
A perfectionist has conditional self-worth, meaning you believe in yourself—if things go perfectly, if people like you, if you do a good job. Hearing any kind of negative feedback is pretty tough because you tend to personalize it, thinking something is either perfect or it’s a failure. And then you take it a step further: If I failed, then I’m a failure. This personalizing prevents you from getting the feedback you need to become better, which can ultimately lead to real failure.
9. You never rest.
Perfectionists often have the belief that I will rest (or play) when the job is done. Of course, the job is never done because it’s never perfect enough. As such, you are at increased risk for burnout, which is a surefire way to have your business or career fail.
How to Bounce Back From Failure
1. Take responsibility for the missed opportunity.
Be prepared for the letdowns that happen every so often. Know that this lost opportunity just set you up to take advantage of the next one. Realize that you can make the necessary alterations next time. Make the changes that will make the difference. Study your mistakes and learn from them. Instead of dwelling on the mistakes, simply acknowledge them and learn from them.
2. Remind yourself that you’re bound to get better.
Don’t get down on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s the next opportunity that matters, not the previous one. The previous one matters only in that you must learn from your mistakes. But the next one gives you the opportunity to show that you have learned from your mistakes. You can do it better next time. You just have to practice. Keep trying until. If you figured out what went wrong last time, then you know how to make it right next time. Don’t beat yourself up for messing up. Pat yourself on the back for figuring it out.
You need to encourage yourself. You need to pump yourself up. Why? Because you can’t wait and hope that someone else will come along and cheer you up, make you feel better, tell you that you’ll do better next time. You have to rely on yourself. You have to have faith in yourself and your ability to figure out what works and what doesn’t. You have to have the inner belief that everything you’re doing you’re doing for a positive outcome in the future. You have to encourage yourself with future successes.
When you miss an opportunity, are unprepared for an opportunity or suffer a setback while realizing your goals, you need to encourage yourself by immediately getting back in line. If you fall off track, get right back on. If you fall away from your disciplines, get right back to them. If you fall out of habit, get back into it. Something goes wrong, do what you can to make it right. It might be hard. It might be scary. Keep your resolve alive, active and well. Cheer yourself on to victory. You can do it.
Sometimes defeat is the best beginning. Why? If you’re at the bottom, there’s only one way to go. Up. But more importantly, if you’re flat on your back, mentally and financially, you’ll usually become sufficiently disgusted to reach way deep down inside yourself and pull out miracles and talents and abilities and desire and determination. When you’re flat broke or flat miserable, you’ll eventually become so disgusted that you’ll pull out the basic essentials required to make everything better.
In the face of adversity is when things begin to change, when you begin to change. With enough disgust, desire and determination to change your life, you’ll start saying, I’ve had it. Enough of this. No more. Never again! These words and these thoughts really rattle the power of time, fate and circumstances.
A lot of people don’t change themselves. They wait for change. These poor unfortunate folks accept their defeats and wallow in their self-pity. They refuse to take control of the situation. They refuse to take control of their life, their career, their health, their relationships and their finances.
If you’re disgusted and in need of change, then I have some words to offer: Your present failure is a temporary condition. You will rebound from failure, just as surely as you gravitated into failure.
One time, when I was in the midst of a bout of failure, somebody suggested that I should tell myself, This too shall pass. I firmly believe that you’re only given as much as you can handle, as much negativity, as much failure, as much disappointment. This too shall pass, if you grasp for a new beginning. You need to pull yourself up and move back into the world with a plan.
Your current limitations or failures are the building blocks from which to create greatness. You can go where you want to go. You can do what you want to do. You can become what you want to become. You can do it all, starting now, right where you are.
Make your failures give birth to great opportunity, not prolonged agony. Make your disgust lead to inspiration, not depression. The doors will open once you decide to get back on your feet and make your mark. In your own enlightened self-interest, give a run at adventure. Keep your eyes firmly set on achievement. Don’t settle for mere existence and self-pity. Make a commitment to excellence.
https://www.success.com/article/rohn-how-to-bounce-back-from-failure
The 7 Reasons We Fail
1. Lack of Persistence
More people fail not because they lack knowledge or talent but because they just quit. It’s important to remember two words: persistence and resistance. Persist in what must be done and resist what ought not to be done.
Try new approaches. Persistence is important, but repeating the same actions over and over again, hoping that this time you’ll succeed, probably won’t get you any closer to your objective. Look at your previous unsuccessful efforts and decide what to change. Keep making adjustments and midcourse corrections, using your experience as a guide.
2. Lack of Conviction
People who lack conviction take the middle of the road. But what happens in the middle of the road? You get run over. People without conviction go along to get along because they lack confidence and courage. They conform in order to get accepted, even when they know that what they are doing is wrong.
Decide what is important to you. If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right and doing well. Let your passion show even in mundane tasks. It’s OK to collaborate and cooperate for success, but it’s not OK to compromise your values—ever.
3. Rationalization
Winners might analyze, but they never rationalize. Losers rationalize and have a book full of excuses to tell you why they couldn’t succeed.
Change your perspective. Don’t think of every unsuccessful attempt as a failure. Few people succeed at everything the first time. Most of us attain our goals only through repeated effort. Do your best to learn everything you can about what happened and why.
4. Dismissal of Past Mistakes
Some people live and learn, and some only live. Failure is a teacher if we have the right attitude. Wise people learn from their mistakes—experience is the name they give to slipups.
Define the problem better. Analyze the situation—what you want to achieve, what your strategy is, why it didn’t work. Are you really viewing the problem correctly? If you need money, you have more options than increasing revenue. You could also cut expenses. Think about what you’re really trying to do.
5. Lack of Discipline
Anyone who has accomplished anything worthwhile has never done it without discipline. Discipline takes self-control, sacrifice and avoiding distractions and temptations. It means staying focused.
Don’t be a perfectionist. You might have an idealized vision of what success will look and feel like. Although that can be motivational, it might not be realistic. Succeeding at one goal won’t eliminate all your problems. Be clear on what will satisfy your objectives and don’t obsess about superficial details.
6. Poor Self-Esteem
Poor self-esteem is a lack of self-respect and self-worth. People with low self-confidence are constantly trying to find themselves rather than creating the person they want to be.
Don’t label yourself. You might have failed, but you’re not a failure until you stop trying. Think of yourself as someone still striving toward a goal, and you’ll be better able to maintain your patience and perseverance for the long haul.
7. Fatalistic Attitude
A fatalistic attitude prevents people from accepting responsibility for their position in life. They attribute success and failure to luck. They resign themselves to their fate, regardless of their efforts, that whatever has to happen will happen anyway.
Look in the mirror every day and say, I am in charge. You might not have control over every phase of your life, but you have more control than you realize, and you are responsible for your own happiness and success. Your attitude determines your altitude, and you can turn “down and out” into “up and at ’em.”
20 tough lessons everyone should learn in their 20s
1. Communication is everything
If you learn how to effectively command a room, think on your feet, articulate yourself exceptionally and present your ideas in a way which others can digest, understand and feel inspired by, you will be a force to be reckoned with. If you do not, you may very well find yourself frequently ‘out-shone’ by people who have mastered this skill.
2. Listen, before you speak
It is often in our nature to talk out of turn or readily project our opinions onto others. However, it is an extremely valuable and necessary skill to develop a habit of pro-active listening. Make a point of being an active listener, consider and digest information before you respond and treat conversations as a constantly evolving learning practice because, that is exactly what they are.
3. Your success is entirely up to you
In your twenties, you will quickly learn that no one owes you anything. Your family, friends and colleagues will look out for you and support you, but ultimately it is up to you now to pave your own way. The level of reward you experience directly correlates to the level of effort and work you invest. Low effort = low reward and vice versa.
4. On that note, the path to success is not short
Don’t assume your career path will be an overnight success story. When it comes to success, both professionally and personally, you will likely endure a number of learning curves before you hit your stride. As such, your habits, work ethic, mindset and gumption truly matter. View your goals as a long-term, evolving destination and commit yourself to the individual, daily tasks and practices which will nudge you closer to that destination. Success is a marathon, not a sprint and remember that there are no small plans.
5. Being present takes a conscious effort
Try to remember the importance of grounding yourself in the present moment when you can. Take the time to examine your mindset, meditate, reflect or whatever you need to do to quiet the rest of the noise in your mind and focus on the present, entirely. This takes a conscious effort, but is continuously important in a world where we are constantly plugged in and self absorbed.
6. Never think you have it all figured out, because you don’t
If you ever think you know all there is to know about something, you’re wrong. In order to grow, adapt to changing environments/demands and stay ahead of the rest of the group, you have to always be hungry for new information. You have to always be learning. Read, ask questions, consider other answers, debate topics, admit when you’re wrong and surround yourself with people who are equally passionate and curious, as they will help propel you forward. Your University degree won’t define you, your desire to learn and continue learning will. Remember this or you could be left behind.
Relationships with close friends may change during your 20s. rawpixel.com/Unsplash
7. The dynamics of your friendships will change
As we get older, friendships become a little less convenient. Most of us work or study full-time, move around, develop important daily demands and shift into different stages of our lives. During this time, the company we keep is the company we make a conscious effort to keep. Don’t view this as a negative change, but instead learn to invest in the people who invest in you. Understand the difference between a friend who is fun to grab a drink with occasionally, and someone who you would call if you were in trouble.
8. Kindness matters
No matter what, remind yourself to be kind. Try to be self-aware enough to check yourself and admit the moments when you’re being a jerk. When you have the opportunity to improve someone else’s day, even in the smallest way, you should act upon it. Maintain your manners, hold the door open, smile readily and put basic kindness into practice whenever you can. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you can expect to get back.
9. Don’t take people for granted
At the end of the day, the people we love are the reason all the hard, messy stuff we work through is so worth it. Relationships and connection are everything. Don’t ever take this for granted. Love, be loved and be eternally, openly grateful for the connections you keep.
10. You have to take responsibility
It is so easy to conjure up excuses for the mistakes or bad judgments we make, but ultimately, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. If you screw up, take ownership of it. That, in itself, is admirable (although not easy). The more you commit yourself to the ownership of your actions and choices, the more likely you are to prioritize them and make careful, calculated decisions.
11. Stop saying “later”
Seriously, procrastination is a quiet killer. Do you really want to start each day with something hanging over your head from the previous day? The time is now, act accordingly.
12. Stay true to what moves you
There is no sense working a job which makes you too tired to go home and live the life you are working to live. You shouldn’t spend your hours counting down the hours on a clock in an office, just to feel that there aren’t enough hours remaining for everything else. We have to be practical, yes, but that shouldn’t mean sacrificing personal fulfillment. If you stay true to what move and excites you, you should have the motivation to become a master of your craft and live a life which grants you stability as well as passion and internal reward.
13. Don’t obsess over the past
Don’t cheat on the present by remaining stuck on the past. Keep moving forward, always.
Take time to exercise and focus on your health. Poodar Chu/Unsplash
14. Make your health a priority
Take care of yourself, body and soul. Eat well (food is fuel, seriously), laugh often, sweat every day, get enough sleep, limit harmful habits, give yourself a day off when you need it and treat your body as the critical vessel that it is.
15. Look up
Get your head out of your phone, your laptop and away from the TV. We live in a digital age, which means we really need to work to ensure it doesn’t consume all of our attention. When you’re with someone, focus on them and keep the phone out of sight. When you have a free night, consider reading instead of a Netflix binge. If you need to talk to someone, consider meeting up with them instead of messaging them via text or email. Give yourself an hour of screen-free time before bed. These are little things we can do to un-plug ourselves from the technology we so firmly attach ourselves to.
16. Dating culture exists, but you decide what you accept
When it comes to dating, especially in your twenties, it’s easy to feel like you are swimming an upstream battle. While we are often painfully aware of the dating cultures which exist and feel their effect, we decide whether or not we accept them as a rule to which we need to abide. If you aren’t comfortable with a situation, you can remove yourself from it. Don’t abandon your values and intentions to suit someone else’s. You can’t expect to find what (or whom) you want if you’re constantly betraying your own desires, after all. Always remain open, remain confident and remain honest with yourself and your heart.
17. Learn to forgive
There is no sense in continuously investing precious energy into malicious emotions and engagements. Of course, we will find ourselves angry or hurt at times and we have the right to feel the levity of those emotions when they come, but it is absolutely crucial to learn how to acknowledge those feelings and then let them go. Forgive yourself, forgive others, understand when someone or something is introducing negative energy into your life and forgive that too, but let it go as you do. Leave it and your anger behind you. Unburden yourself so you can remain open to alternative experiences as you move forward. If you don’t, you will define your future based on your inability to forgive and forget the wrong-doings of the past.
18. Your time is valuable
If you ask me, time is our most precious commodity. We are a busy breed, generally speaking, so the time we invest is meaningful and holds a distinct purpose and intention. Value your time and engage with people who value and respect your time, not those who waste it or take it for granted.
19. Travel when you can
“We travel because we need to, because distance and difference are the tonic to creativity. When we get home, home is still the same, but something in our minds has changed and that changes everything.”
20. Let yourself be scared, but also be organized
The best things in life are often the ones that scare you the most. When we are in our twenties, we have to give ourselves the freedom to take risks, some of which will scare the living crap out of us. That fear, those nerves, those are okay. They are human. But, while we should embrace the madness that comes with transitioning into adulthood and sorting out our passions and future, we must maintain a method to the madness, too. To do this, make a habit of setting your intentions and having mental check-in’s with yourself. Write your to-do lists in the morning, schedule your time, stay on track to the big picture on a daily basis but grant yourself permission to take a few leaps of faith, risks or breaths where necessary. We can’t control everything, we can only be well prepared.
Expectancy
It’s been a while since I wrote my own post, besides sharing my thoughts that I’ve stumbled across while browsing the internet. I just want to get my thoughts down because I think this feeling isn’t a good one.
Expectancy. Something that I pray will happen in the near future. Sometimes it’s frustrating to find the right girl, but one day when everything blows over and I’ll look back at this…it’ll be silly. At the end of the day, I feel her expectations are too high for me, as stupid as it sounds I can’t meet her requirements and that’s to me is just silly love. For me to meet those requirements will take a period of time and she won’t wait till then. There are those who reach their destinations faster than others and for me I’m one of the slower ones unfortunately. Maybe there are days I understand she is trying to motivate me, but to really convince myself, it is too mind boggling.
Maybe I’m scared at turning to the next page because there’s no flicking back; life goes on. I’m getting older and even the greatest can’t compete with time. If she can’t accept the person I am, then what’s the point? I might be overthinking this, like always but to be honest she’s better off finding someone that fulfil her requirements. I’m sure I’ll find someone who will accept me for who I am. There are so many things I need to accomplish in the next five years it’s so scary just thinking about it, but at the same time it’ll very rewarding.
Too much pressure at the moment, and the burden just thinking about her is too much to carry.
Top 10 Warning Signs You Need a New Job
Sometimes, we wait too long to recognize that a job situation is not a good fit, but waiting can have negative consequences. It can be easier to stay, especially when you get along well with your colleagues but aren’t thrilled with the job.
However, sometimes it’s a good idea to make the difficult decision that you need a change.
Staying isn’t always the right decision, even when it’s not easy to leave. Waiting too long to find a new job can cause serious stress, resulting in depression, relationship problems, and residual anger. If you don’t appropriately plan your resignation, you may find yourself at your wit’s end one day and end up quitting on the spot, which will ruin your chances to maintain a positive relationship with your past employer. Or worse, you could end up getting fired because you’re not productive.
Top 10 Warning Signs You Need a New Job
You can prevent these possibilities by recognizing some of the signs that your job is unsustainable, before the situation reaches a crisis status.
Here are the top 10 signs that you might need a new job.
1. You are already thinking about finding a new job. Barring the occasional, bad-day-induced, “I need a new job, now!,” if you’ve already been mulling over the thought of leaving your job, chances are, that rumination is happening for a good reason.
If your dislike for your job, your co-workers, or your boss is constantly on your mind, you should take that as a sign that it’s time to start job searching.
2. Your conversations with your family and friends become dominated by complaints and laments about your work day. If every dinner conversation starts and ends with a negative commentary about your day at work, it might be time to find a job that will incite not complaints but instead productive discussion about your professional challenges, lessons learned, and the day’s highlights.
3. You find yourself frequently dreaming about retirement – even if you’re young. Do you spend all day dreaming about retirement, calculating the years, months, and days until the time comes? Don’t spend your professional life in countdown mode. Instead, take that feeling and use it as motivation to find a position that is satisfying and emotionally fulfilling.
4. Your sleep patterns have been disrupted. You have difficulty getting to sleep, or you wake up during the night with worries about your job. Sleep is very important to your health, and job-induced stress can be a cause of poor sleep. Unfortunately, this can exacerbate a difficult situation, making a bad job seem even worse.
Being tired all the time can make everything seem like a challenge.
5. You have developed headaches, frequent colds, or other physical symptoms of stress. Your physical health can sometimes be an indicator of your mental health, and if you’re feeling generally sick or have a sense of enduring malaise, your job might be to blame. If your job is making you sick, that’s a good indicator that it’s time to look for a new position.
6. You have increased your consumption of alcohol or drugs to escape your problems. While it’s okay to relax with a glass of wine after work, your day shouldn’t be driving you to down a bottle or pour glass after glass of vodka tonic. If you find that your work is causing your copious consumption of alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, you should take some time to reflect on your professional situation.
7. Your appetite is suppressed, or you are eating more than usual. Some people turn to food in the same way they do to drugs and alcohol, but stress can also cause you to lose your appetite overall. If you’re eating or drinking too much because of stress at work, it’s a sign that this may not be the job for you.
8. You dread Mondays, or you have trouble waking up for work in the morning. It’s normal to be tired in the morning, but you shouldn’t feel a pit-inducing dread or thought-consuming anxiety when it’s time to work.
9. You are less productive at work, lack passion, and are bored more often. If you’re checking Facebook every ten minutes, playing around with Pinterest, constantly find yourself on YouTube, or are bored with every task, you might need to look for a more mentally stimulating job.
10. You are arguing more often with co-workers or bosses and don’t feel you have control over your work. If your dissatisfaction with your job is causing tension in the office, it’s definitely time to start looking for a new position. It’s better to leave a job on good terms so you can keep your past employer as a source for recommendations and as a network connection. It’s also important to avoid being fired if you can help it.
Of course, these signs can be indicators of other personal, emotional, or physical problems, but if you are stressed about work and experiencing some of these symptoms then you certainly need to reevaluate your employment situation.
What to Do Next
If you’ve made the decision to move on, don’t just quit your job. In most cases, you can carefully and strategically start looking for a new position before you turn in your resignation. It’s easier to get hired when you’re working, you don’t know how long it will take you to find another job, and you may not be able to collect unemployment benefits if you quit.
Rather, take the time to plan your job search. In addition to getting you out of a bad situation, it will give you something else to focus on instead of the job you’re not happy with.
tsangwinglun 