Past:
It’s time to revisit my past for a little bit. I need to think hard to remember my past haha, sounds stupid but I wrote a post once about having a bad experience and blocking out the bad things, but keeping the good things alive in my mind. Well after primary school in Leeds, I moved on to high school as obvious and I went to Allerton Grange High School. I won’t talk much about the school itself, but I had a bad experience and moved out to a different school in Year 8.
After that I moved to Mirfield Free Grammar School I felt lonely and not myself for a bit, because I missed my friends at my previous high school and leaving was saddening. But soon I slowly adapted to the new lifestyle. Back then the atmosphere was very tense and sometimes not feeling safe at all. Now everything calmed down a bit, but there was still trouble around the corner. Some of them acted hard and dominant but the high school I went to in Leeds…they didn’t act hard, they were hard and trust me, don’t even f*** around with them. But luckily I mixed in with them a bit so I wouldn’t be afraid as much and felt tougher inside…but not in the outside. At that time love for me wasn’t a trouble haha so don’t worry about reading my troublesome love life yet lol!The first official class I went to at my new high school was a maths class and I tried to not pay attention to the teacher and hoped the day would fly by and it did. I wasn’t happy with the whole situation moving school before but since I had this opportunity to move to this school with a high standard, I guess it would change my life for the better… but it didn’t.
Yes I gradually did settle in and I made friends by telling them I could rap and I demonstrated my rap skills to them and they seem impressed. Well obviously for a Chinese kid rapping and others couldn’t. Oh yeah I forgot to mention out of the entire school, there was less than 5 Chinese students including my older brother and the girl I liked..well still like haha 🙂 I remember when I was younger I was bold and daring to do anything. I was very enraged inside and easily explosive when people annoy me, and I am still just a bit. I was a boy filled with courage. I had a bad experience at school, but it doesn’t mean it was all bad, there were good moments and those moments shall stay in my heart for a long time 🙂
If I re-visit my high school years, I would never expect my life to be like this at this moment of time. I remember I could manage my time SO effectively and do the things I wanted. My biggest achievements were working out, studying, recording music, and chasing girls. Haha no lie I was able to manage that in my younger years, but now? I’m finding it difficult to manage two of them. I think when we were younger, our worlds were smaller but the older we become, we realise how big the world has become and to accept the reality. Just looking at my younger-self photos, ahhh so good looking xD. I think before I took that acne treatment which boosted my confidence so much and I did whatever I liked. Look how cute and long faced I was haha, and now *sigh. See the thing see is I’ve learnt not to compare myself to others but to yourself. And now when I look at myself now comparing to the person I was 5 years ago, that person is much more better. The only real difference is I’m more mature now. That’s why I’m aiming to work out and get back what I lost for so long.
Present:
This year in 2014 I feel it’ll be a difficult year for me for everything in general. I feel lazier and fatter haha and that’s true. I don’t have that drive like before 😦 When I work out, I get easily tired out unlike before. Maybe I’ve turned fat noooo! In one of my previous posts when I wrote about “I am Vegeta” I mentioned not being weak and feeble, and I feel just like that! There are days I feel like Vegeta burning with passion but mostly I’m lacking that drive.
When they say that your past shapes the person you are today, well I’ll tell you a story but keeping it a short. It isn’t easy to say, but…I was a victim of bullying during my high school period. I was hot-headed and charged into problems leading to trouble. I really should blame myself because I clearly could have avoided them, but what did I know when I was a kid huh!? Besides that I worked at my family Chinese takeaway and there were sometimes kids messing around and causing havoc and we even involved the police over at times. So I think those two elements are the reasons why I’m the person today…always having to remain strong physically and mentally. I don’t want to be bullied ever and even though I’m 20 years of age, you don’t know what’s around the corner, always stay prepared.That’s why I always show my tough side and the nicest side of me is not shown as often. Growing up has made me stronger but at a cost of losing confidence of myself.
I never can open myself to people, because I rather bottle up all my emotions inside and feel depressed. But I’m glad I can write my feelings on this blog I made last year in 2013. I can’t tell my feelings to the people Iove, even my family..it’s just hard to open to. Even the girl I liked, I told her maybe bits and bats, but she’ll never understand me fully. When I moved into my new high school, I was a feeble hot-headed boy and I wish I could go back into time and change things, I really do. Even if I did go back into time like the film “The Kid” starring Bruce Willis, the younger wouldn’t listen to anybody because he was so arrogant and naive!
I sometimes wish I could carry on making music, but looking at my own situation I guess it’s time to move on. As I said previously time is running out and I was glad I was able to complete my music album “Cherish” 🙂 But look at me now…I don’t have the same determination I once had 5 years ago. I just feel sad that the younger me was much more stronger than I am now. The real difference now is that I have a bigger head filled with wisdom haha 🙂 If people tell me to be that person I was before, then it would be hard. I’m a changed person, it’s called growing up. I wish I could regain my confidence and approach people with a smile. I don’t know if I can change, but I know one day if I meet the right girl I can change my ways for defo. My friends always tell me when you meet a the right person, it can change your attitude, change the character itself…well I hope it’s true because I can’t wait any longer.
I’m going to try simplify my life like before and the only solution is to deactivate Facebook since “25th August”. I’m gonna try my best to avoid going back on it for a while. I remember I didnt use much social websites back in those days, so focusing will be better.
Hey everybody 🙂 Today I would like to write a post about the near future, in two years time. Personally I have this time frame in my mind that the things I would like to do must be done within the next two years in my life, or else it’ll be too late. What do you mean?
tsangwinglun 