追/今生今世

 

 

因為愛情

WHY – FINAL QUESTION

Why do you torture yourself? I’m just hard on myself that I could have done more or done better or if I did this instead in a situation. Do you ever get that feeling when you haven’t given your 110% at doing something like going to the gym or not giving that extra push. That’s the feeling. I want to be better. Better everyday, better than the person I was yesterday. It’s just so hard to consistently keep up the pace and it’s like climbing a mountain, the fear of dropping off and splat you’re a goner! Some people may think I’m sad but it’s really the expectation I put on myself and knowing I should have done it better in my life so far.

Why are you still single? Why am I still single haha? I really don’t know…well actually I do. I don’t try hard enough and sometimes it feels like something or someone is holding me back. To be honest, there’s no one to blame here but myself. It’s true. If I truly cared, I would have worked harder. It’s pure doubt and lack of confidence that halts my progression. Maybe timing is also involved because if I did find someone back at university, I personally think it wouldn’t have lasted just cause of my personality and pushing people away. But how about now?? I just can’t commit I’ll be honest…I can’t commit time to her sorry. I like her but does she expect me to tell her like that? She’ll be disappointed in me and the worse feeling is letting her down, so let her enjoy her peace.

Why did you start making music? Long story short…joined a crew back at primary school. My arrogance and attitude got me into trouble. Probably was aged 12 when things got messy during that time in my life. I wanted to be recognised…feared…pure attitude. Young and dumb. Over the years, moved on to a better life, and carried on making music experimenting different genres and eventually finishing with hip-hop. Latest mixtape “AS TIME GOES BY” and its one of my proudest projects I can say in my life. I wish I had more time, but time doesn’t stop for no one. At least at the end I feel accomplished what I thought I couldn’t do, and for me I’m happy.

Why did you choose accountancy as a career? As a majority of chinese kids, your parents would have worked at their family takeaway. Seeing the importance of business and counting that money, I decided to walk this path. Do I regret it? Sometimes, but in terms of financial stability in the future, I can’t really complain at all. Since the world is changing so quick, being an accountant is quite the rewarding career, and they would one day appreciate it?

Why do you like the 80s/90s so much? This is how we chill from 93 ’til…hey we all love classic. I’m not a big fan of mainstream music nowadays, and I grew up listening to the music in the 2000s…a lot have changed. That’s in the UK but y’all would be referring to my love for the golden age in Hong Kong. Well the reason behind it was listening to that age of music when I was a kid. Sat in the back seat going coming back home from the takeaway and falling asleep listening to the cassette tapes. Over the years I went hunting for these songs since it’s more accessible in this day and age. I think it was early late 2010 when I started to listen to chinese music and the rest is history haha. Over time I can say I appreciate my parents when they were younger and their fun times, it was a different time to now. Researched into individuals artists, the fashion style, culture and obviously music. You could say I’m living in the past meh. At the end of the day, we all have our interests and taste and if you can’t accept me, fuck it. One thing I really hate are those skinny ass jeans for examples, how do people wear them?!

Why do you have a small circle? I have a problem trusting people. Over the past 10 years like literally from the end of high school, everything changed. So what if you may had over 1000 friends on social media, the question really is how many of them are real, or actually friends who will be there for you at times of need. Its not about quantity rather quality. Even now, I keep my circle small and cosy. Maybe I’m not that open because I have the great wall of china stopping anyone getting through. That’s why I appreciate and cherish the friendship that I have. Maybe in the future, I may open my door wider, but for now there’s barely any gap for people to come in because the lack of trust and loyalty just reminds me of how fucked up people are.

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE 🙂

WHERE

Where do you work? Somewhere far far away. Somewhere where its rough and if you don’t have a fast car, you’ll be left eating dust haha jokes.

Where do you go to get your haircut? Above the chinese supermarket, been going for almost 10 years no lie ha. Have a chinese barber but where elsewhere? Turkish barbers okay but more modern hairstyle which isn’t my preferred choice.

Where do you want to live in the future? I would like to say abroad…maybe in the east or even in the west. But right now I can’t even see myself in the next five years its that serious. That’s the scary part in my life now. Maybe work abroad to have that experience but by that time, I suspect my priorities will be with my possible family.

Where do you see yourself in five years time? In five years, I see myself a more confident, responsible and experienced person with more responsibilities to help build my career and be become a valuable asset to a company 🙂 My response to this interview question haha. When I read this question, it frightens me. In terms of my career, I know I will be up there working hard with more responsibilites, and earning the big bucks. But if you say my life outside of work…gosh I just never thought about it. I mean, when I was 20 years of age it was kinda not that hard to think 5 years ahead, but now its a different game.

Reason behind everything

BARTENDER

WHEN

When do you go to bed? Before 9pm…I’m kidding likely to be before 11pm on weekdays, but for the weekend sometimes can be quite the rebel 😀 Definitely get up early most of the time, just how my body works now I guess…just an age thing! Kidding, my body is already programmed to get up just before 6am because of work, and I just got use to it getting up early even for the weekend, and that’s doing gym missions.

When do you drink? Only in three situations now. (1) At home where I can drink infinity (2) For festivals at home or outside but being responsible (3) When I’m sad

When are you gonna tell her? When I know the time is right. I either don’t try hard enough or she’s not that interested. I want to prioritise her but it’s just not working. I don’t want to say I’ve fallen for someone, who isn’t right for me right now. The lack of physical interaction will be the downfall. If she ain’t the one, then who is it? Time is short, and sometimes I just want to open myself up to her, but I should keep my mouth zipped, learnt that from my past experiences I’ve had. Maybe one day…

When do you know it’s time to give up? When you finally realise the truth, until it really hits you, and I mean literally! No matter how stubborn you may be, there will be a time where reality hits you deep. But in regards to health, one shouldn’t exert oneself if the pain is unbearable. With my focus on qualifying to become a chartered accountant, there is no room for failure or giving up, that is the goal.

 

“Use the pain in your past as a fuel. Fuel that will drive you straight to a better future”

WHAT

What weaknesses do you have? Being too kind and getting hurt in the process. Always getting caught up in the future, when really I should be enjoying the present. Having a glass heart and damn it’s painful!

What motivates you? The future me. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion. I would say “her” but time has moved on and have to rely on myself. It only takes one person to change your life…I hope one day I can find that spark again, but until then keep striving on! There is no room for fucking up at all, I must get to where I need to be.

What are your hobbies outside of work? Would say football if I was younger haha, but those days are long gone. Uhm gym…pumping weights and keeping up with my cardio…quite important as I’ve realised now! Wash my car? Go exploring to different areas if I can and knowing it’ll be better once I find my other half. OCD like to keep thing clean as possible but sometimes just lay it out haha.

What do you do when you lose? Cry like a girls pants. Nope rather reflect on my loses and realign my objectives. Yes, there will be days where I will feel absolute broken and that deep thought or depression will kick in. But what springs me up is the inner confucius conflict inside where I will understand how I will be strong again. “Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn’t mean they’re lost forever”.

What runs through your mind at night? A lot actually and it can trouble my mind sometimes, but I’ve learnt over the past few months to control my emotions and just let it be. I tend to go down memory lane and yes it is quite depressing thinking about the good times. Even thinking about the pass “relationships” I had and thinking what else could I have done or said which could of changed the situation. Besides love, I guess thinking ahead for the week ahead or the full month, I like to be ahead of the game and there’s nothing wrong with that I guess.

What’s next? A very good question, which I believe I will need a lot more time to channel my thoughts because it’s gonna be one long subject! Looking back, I’ve written one here, so I’ll follow up on that when I’m next available.

If I Ain’t Got You

It kinda hit me when the colleagues at work today pointed out an important point…and that’s still being single…and told me that I had to find the right girl. In my mind I was laughing but damn the truth does hurt. Yes I am focused on my studies but by the time I finish I would be 28 years old, and chances are smaller. Yeah I get that. But if that’s my destiny so be it then. But deep down, I do hope I meet or at least build a relationship with the right girl. But the more I think about it, the more it sucks. Along the way, the road will be tough, but if I meet the right girl then…*sigh