Sound of Silence

Admit defeat…my pride demolished

You know when you can’t go anymore, but you still persist on. And guess what? I’ve injured myself in the process. Regardless how bad this situation looks, I still suck it up and carry on. Even my hardcore music playlist can’t push me on. At this moment of time, I admit defeat. For real Darren?! Yeah looking around me, I just feel what the hell am I doing here? I can’t seem to retain my focus for a couple of weeks, but I still persist on…

I hate to say this, but my pride has been demolished, for serious. My strength, my power…it’s all slipping away and today I’ve finally witnessed it with my own two eyes. I’m deciding to temporarily “cancel” my gym membership because I see no progress in improving my physical state. There are days where there are improvements, but gradually as a day turns into a few days, then a week, and eventually a few weeks, the gains have been lost.

I feel I need to reflect on myself. At this point of my time, do I still need to prove myself? I’ve been there done that….a few years ago I pushed my body doing cardio and achieved amazing results, along with my physical state last year and pushing heavy. Now, it’s just maintaining my body and not really reaching new heights…that burning sensation within me is dying out. There are days where I always thought I would not lose my pride, but in this instinct I have, and it’s quite surprising.

Will I ever recapture this spark again? Let’s see…

 

Late night thoughts…

How do you tell a girl you love her, I mean really love her? She’s the only reason I’m still fighting and no matter how hard it gets her love makes me stronger. Although our circumstances have changed I still feel it doesn’t make a difference. She’s at the other side of the world and enjoying her new life and and I’m happy for her…while I’m still searching for my true purpose in life but really I’m just trying to secure my career first. As I previously said securing a future is important not just for me but for my family one day which I always say it’s her. She’s living her life and I’m living mine and yes I am at this moment of time it’s not very glorious but I can say that I’m working 100% every day and I’m sure I’ll get where I need to be. Even though if there was a chance to hold your hands now and be with her, I just feel it’s just the wrong time and for you it’s like an everlasting growth that I feel you always exceed me, but until I can secure myself then I can really look forward to the future. There are days where I question myself because I feel like you’re waiting for me but at the same time I’m just thinking nonsense. For me that’s hope but that also destroys me inside. Sometimes I wonder when she come back and if we ever cross paths what will I say…what will I do? Like I said before my time is not ripe, but I assure you I will get there. I can’t deny that when I’m talking about my future I always think about her. I hope one day when she reads this, she knows how I feel about her and what my plans are for us in the future take care…

How the Mighty Have Fallen…

I have come to realise the truth…the mighty have fallen! 😦 I don’t have the fitness I once had just two months ago, which sounds ridiculous! The emotions that are running through my mind is just frustration and confusion…into why I’ve lost this much strength in a space of two months?!

Tracking back into my gym diary, it is basically picking where I left off from May 2017! And that is going back 6 months ago, and it’s my journey to build that back is really hard. There is so much stress on the body and that’s cause I’ve grown weak since I’ve sustained the shoulder injury in September 2017. I’ve been trying to force my way back, but today I’ve felt that shoulder injury pop up again and pushing beyond myself. How my ego takes over…and the result was becoming sick and having a bad headache…I almost couldn’t drive back home till I had to rest in my car for a good 5 minutes.

At this point, I’m questioning my ability to get back fit again as I once was…well two months ago. It’s tough and having that mentality is another challenge. I’m having other piorities at this moment, but I need to get through this…I can’t give up!!

04/02/2017

Today, I proved to myself that I can surpass the limitations I always thought I had. He once said, in this world, nothing is impossible. As long as you learn or work hard for something, it will work out.

This morning, I was at the gym over over 2 hours. Maybe if wanted, I could have kept pushing myself even harder, and rest less, and focused on lifting heavier weights. But for me, there is still that limitation however looking from another perspective, I have been able push myself and exceed my limitations. Right now, my upper body is aching and I’m sure I need a good rest!

Whether it’s true or not, Bruce Lee trained around 6 hours a day, and I’m sure it’s not all at once, but rather different intervals throughout the day. I covered just over 2 hours a day, and if I were to workout for another 4 hours until the end of the day, I think I’ll collapse in pain haha! Sometimes I wish I can train every day, but for it to intergrate in my daily life…it is not easy. Work itself is challenging, and regardless if the day went good or bad…to motivate yourself to get out the door again in the late evening to go gym, it is challenging!

Back onto MyFitnessPal?

It’s been a while hasn’t it!? I’m not sure shall I go back onto this app because I feel good. But what I mean is I feel “fat” when I’m technically not haha. Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror…half naked…I think to myself I look good, but I’m sure I can look better, and I mean cutting more of the excess fat in my body.

To be honest, I need to refer back to my older blogs such as My Fitness Pal and How I Lost Weight. These will surely remind me how I lost weight, and for me I feel I need to lose up to 5kgs, but at the same time sustain my muscles.

I blame the buffets, biscuits and foods high in sugar! Well, I’m sure gonna do my best to eat clean. I can’t make a promise, but I’ll do my best!!  It’s time to control my intake…once again >.>”

Wake up with conviction and determination

Today I wake up in the morning knowing my brother and a close friend of mine are struggling, and it pains me.

“Strong people don’t put others down, they lift them up“. As a friend and a younger brother, it’s my responsibility to be the best I can be in my role, do what I need to do to support my friends, and build an unbreakable bond with my brother.

Some people know I have a burning determination within me, and they wonder how do I manage it? Well, in this post I’m going to share with you all in detail, and hopefully one day you can relate to me. In the past, I wrote a few posts such as “The 3 Key Components for Motivation“, “Motivation“, and “Keep calm and don’t be a Gohan!“, and I’ll be referring briefly to these to ensure my flame is still burning and you understand

Looking at this now, compared to a few months ago, my key components of motivation have slightly changed, but in my mind…these are my following motives:

1. Secure a stable graduate job
2. Have my own family one day (first find my other half)
3. Keeping fit and having Bruce Lee to look up to

To some people, this may not look brilliant or it’s simplistic, however in my mind these are my goals, and right now I’ll be going through each one in more detail.

Secure a stable graduate job:
I’ve graduated, and it’s time to turn over a new chapter. Four years have passed and it’s memorable. I’ve mentioned the fear of facing the real world, but that time has arrived and I need to man up. Ever since completing my final exams in May, I’ve been applying for jobs constantly and have been going to interviews. I’ve been keeping track record of all the jobs I’ve applied for, along with different agencies.
There have been more setbacks and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we go through the worst to get to the best. Just hang in there. Everything is going to be alright I know. Maybe not today, or tomorow. But eventually 🙂 Do you know why I want a good job? I truly want a financially stable job in the first few years to build up my career, until I play with the big boys. Until then, my main piority is my career. This then falls into the next category in my mind…

Have my own family one day

As ridiculous as it sounds, I am 22 years of age and starting a family of my own is far far away at this very moment of time. Why think so far ahead though? My only logical answer to that is my determination is to build a vivid future, and working hard now will bring success, happiness, and fortune. I don’t want my family to suffer. As a son, seeing my parents work so hard to get to this point in life is great encouragement.
For me, there’s a lot to do and I mean it. I have another 8 years to really polish my character and career to become the best person I can be. During those eight years, I will find my other half, no matter what. I’ve been saying this since the end of high school in Year 11. I know I can’t force it, just let it flow. In the past I’ve been trying to force things to happen, but I’ve learnt my lesson. Until that married life happens, we all need to enjoy ourselves in this journey too, and that’s very important!

Keeping fit and having Bruce Lee to look up to

Besides my career, keeping fit is also important. I have always told myself…don’t become fat haha. My determination is to keep fit until my late 30s. To be honest, I can’t see myself any further for the time being.
I’m sure you’ve all watch Dragon Ball Z at some point of your life, and in the new series Gohan is weak. He use to be a badass against Cell and Buu, and he’s became so weak in the new series. That’s because of his lack of determination at training, and his attention has drawn to being a scholar. Well everyone has their own purpose in their life. From being a badass to a weakling, that’s something I never want to turn to. Vegeta is another character who I admire too because of his pride and his dedication at working hard no matter what 🔥
I’ve watched many films over the past few years across various genres, and predominantly 80s movies. In particular, kung fu movies always tend to motivate me to work out. Watching the different kung fu styles and movements, it really intrigues me. I even have my own motivational music playlist with Bruce Lee themesongs, and Wong Fei Hung too! I know I will never be able to reach Bruce Lee’s level, but having someone to look up to motivates me to become a stronger yet wiser person every day.

I know deep down a lot of close friends and relatives have high expectation of me. Even when I was a kid they saw the potential in me and previously the only person who’s been holding back my growth is myself. I know I can do this. As long as my ambition drives me forwards, that’s my ignition!

I’ve been writing my own workout diary ever since July 26th 2015, and I don’t mind sharing it with you all. It looks pathetic, but my reason to back this up is because at the time, I was losing weight for over six months, and around this time last year I was just building back up. I was on my 12 months work placement still, and I ate less than 1400 calories a day! In a year’s time, there is definitely major improvements, so don’t worry about that! 💪

It’s about having a real purpose in life, and what you’re actually fighting for. Work hard, stay positive, and good things will happen 🙏

TomTom Runner GPS Watch

I purchased this GPS watch last month, and even though I’ve only used it for at least 5 runs, at least I feel it shows the “correct” information rather than that “nike+”. I remember I did compare both gadgets to each other and I’ve realised that the nike+ displayed information different to my new GPS watch and maybe now I believe the nike+ lacks accuracy!

Well it’s definitely a fresh start and I have been doing my best to get up early in the morning and go running…but it’s not the same feeling anymore 😦 I lack the drive and motivation. I’m out of breath easily and although I’ve been improving slowly, I sometimes still question myself on how the hell I use to run 6 miles back in those days haha!! Now I’m running around 2 miles average. Maybe it’s an “age” thing that’s got to me haha, but at the end of the day I’m doing better at lifting weights compared to cardio.

I gotta do my best but the late Muhammad Ali’s wise words will surely motivate me further!

Strength and my Pride

(08/12/09 – 13/12/15) Six years later and now I’ve reclaimed my pride. Surpassed any limitations I’ve had in the past both physically and mentally. Defeat is only the state of mind!

I remember I wrote a post few years ago 2009: The Story Behind the “Ultimate Body” which I mentioned about what that particular picture represented. Well it represented pain and all the bull**** I went through during my teens at high school. “For every person who doubts you, tells you you will fail, try twice as hard to prove them wrong“. I was very sensitive and angry in the past but now I’ve changed for the better good.

Now. What I’m showing you is exactly 6 years later since I took the photo in the previous post. I haven’t exactly planned this, but it seems that everything fitted into place. Last year I was deliberately losing weight during my placement and near the end I signed back up at the gym to start my progress again. I’ve been working out for just over 5 months and this is the result.

Weighing just under 62kgs and lifting avg 10kgs doing various techniques in the gym. My objective is to not lift heavy weights but aiming for a lean body. (For my own reference: refer to blue A6 log book)

I have kept well over the  past six years for starters. Not too skinny or fat lol. As I said above I have surpassed any limitations I had in the past. Lifting heavier weights and running more. Personally I feel much stronger and healthier compared to the older me six years ago. You may reckon the previous me looked stronger because of the photo but I can say here I am stronger 😀

I tried my best to do a similar pose like the previous one haha. For me this picture is my pride. I just can’t believe these six years have flown by so quick. I don’t even know where to start if I had to write it. A lot has happened that’s all I can say.

I have met my pride. I achieved this. But it’s ashame all of the hard work will slowly fade away 😦 The reason for this is I’ve already quitted my gym membership because I need to direct my attention to my final year studies, it’s becoming more stressful each week as it comes.

I don’t like to be weak. I like to train myself. Set aims to surpass previous limitations. Although I have experienced bullying when I was a little kid it has partially affected me and maybe that’s why I need to stay strong.

What I’m gonna miss is having the endurance to work out longer and clench my fists with strength and pride!

So one day when I look back at this, I will say to myself “I’ve done it”. And even maybe when I have a family of my own, I can look back at this and motivate myself to get my ass off the sofa or find time to workout again and MAYBE I can surpass myself 😉

 

How I Lost Weight

One day I will look back at this and hopefully I haven’t put a lot of weight in the future. What I mean in the future is over 30 years of age! To be honest I can’t imagine myself gaining stupid weight unless something bad happened.

I’ve got through the stage at gaining weight and bulky muscle through drinking protein shakes for two months and I got the result what I wanted but I was eating a lot at that time too. That resulted at having a puffy face which I really hated! A few months after I had an additional year at working in a industry placement. My next plan was losing weight and as a result I lost just over 6kgs and this is the topic I will go through today. These are the points on how I lost weight:

• Stuck to less than 1400 calories DAILY.
• Since it’s hard to avoid rice in a Chinese family, I did my best to avoid/reduce carbohydrates from other sources e.g. biscuits, cookies, and bread etc.
• Control your appetite and avoid late night snacks.
• Drink more fluid and meaning water. Do your best to avoid very sugary food and drinks. I drank Light Ribena.
• When appropriate drink Green Tea or squeeze lemon juice to cleanse your body
• Eat more fruits and vegetables
• Try commit to do cardio and physical exercises
• Reduce sugar intake

These are the points above which I tried my best to lose weight. I could have possibly lost more but for my size and weight it was maybe quite risky. This advice may vary for readers but for me personally this is how I did it. I was previously around 66kgs but my weight now is 60kgs. I have been eating a bit more, but I’ve been controlling my intake much more now. I hope this can possibly encourage users to lose weight if you feel you need to take action with your weight.

Lastly I would like to point out that the real reason I wanted to lose weight and that’s because I wanted to prove to myself I can be physically stronger but at the same reduce body fat. Well in a nut shell I want to be like Bruce Lee! 😀

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