495 days left

I’ve been thinking last night. It’s time to make a final decision on where I stand at this moment of time. Remember last year I wrote a post about what I would like to achieve in “2 Years Time?” It’s just been over 8 months since I wrote that post and have I changed? Are my thoughts any different? Well here is a brief look into what I wrote last time:

“I know that after graduating life becomes much more important and our minds are focused on our careers. I won’t find the time to do the things I would like, and since I have this time at this moment I shouldn’t waste it at all! Time is important to us we all know, it’s just how we use it. Within my two years these are the things I would like to achieve and aim for:

• I want to improve my speaking in Cantonese and mandarin language, and importantly writing
• Definitely obtain my driving license and owning a car because I’ve been making excuses long enough
• Train hard physically and retain the body I once had in 2010, losing excess fat in the body and face
• Change my attitude for the better good in society
• Try my best to treat and reduce the acne on my face
• Grow back my hair long so I can look like Aaron Kwok (郭富城) in the early 90s haha
• Go soul searching for my other half and marry her one day
• Chant more daimoku and support others

I don’t mind sharing my thoughts with you all, these are my 8 aims I MUST achieve. No excuses, time is running out. It seems far away but mentally picturing myself that moment after graduation without achieving any of these just destroys me inside. It’s easy to write my aims but to commit to the action, well that’s the other part I need to do. It’s not gonna be easy but I can’t give up. I want people in 2 years time to see a difference in not just my appearance but my character as well”.

The answer is yes I have changed prematurely. Besides my looks I feel within these 8 months I have been and learnt new things that I would have never thought of. Initially “What My Plan Was“ to going a path I knew I would accelerate in, but after a long wake up call I’ve realised I would be better off going on my old path. After graduating I don’t know where I head next since I now I have a year worth of practical accounting experience it has opened a few more doors for me, which this leaves me ??? in my head. Why? I don’t whether should I carry on further studying for masters or gain a professional accountancy qualification or go straight into the world of work or work abroad if an opportunity arises? It’s like a tree diagram in my mind and either way will still lead to success but I need to choose wisely. Also in my head I have already made the decision to give up on one thing I really desired in this life and it was her. It’s finally sunk in and there’s no reason for me to persist on. I can blame myself for not trying hard enough but it’s the right time for a brutal wake up call. It’s not about being worth it or not, my chase for you Nicky ends here.

I have finally decided what will happen with my love life. I have given up on someone who I thought I could spend my life with. Within these 495 days remaining I will try search for my other half preferably outside of university but my expectations wouldn’t be at the university because what I’ve seen they are not at my standard I’m sorry neither the mainlanders or even gwai muis will interest me. They may attract me for that moment but being interested in someone is a completely different story. As I’ve said at the very beginning I am traditional and I stick with my Chinese girls.

On the other hand, if I do not find the right person within these 495 days I don’t mind (well I do) living my life on my own. At least my older brother will carry on the bloodline ha! I know I am selfish and stubborn but finding someone who is truly compatible is difficult, and with my standards and character I will need to find someone like Bulma ha! I’m not saying with the girl I was chasing didn’t work out right, our relationship was too digital and nothing was real about it. She’s better off with someone else who can make her happy. As long as she’s happy, I’m happy too.

In terms of my music and what I have left, well I have already mentioned I have been planning another project which I did initially said I would build it around the girl I was chasing, and that project is still a thumbs up. Although I will not feel the same about her like before I can still produce some magic and create a mixtape which is based on fictional events. I’ve even planned ahead for my final mixtape which could be entitled as “Reflections Of My Life”, and this project will be my last but a very special one. But that’s a spoiler I can only offer 😉 I want this year to be my year where I achieve the things I really desire in life!

Here’s my redefined goals for these 495 days:

• Improve my Cantonese and Mandarin language, and importantly writing ✓
• In the process of obtain my driving license and driving soon ✓
• Train hard physically and improve my cardio so I can surpass my 2010 image ✓
• Polish my character so I can be a better person ✓
• Try my best to treat and reduce the acne on my face ✓
• Go soul searching and once I find her, I won’t lose her ✓
• Chant more daimoku and support others ✖
• Would like to learn to cook ✖

Friendship
As time passes I’ve realised the people who was once close has “disappeared” in my life. I won’t use the word “walked” out of my life rather the reason for this is I feel each stage of my life I had a friend who I really could talk to and no matter how long we haven’t seen each other we still could talk for ages. Like during my primary school days I had a few best friends but since we split up to different high schools we never had been in contact and nothing was left. It would be great if we had a primary school reunion but those sweet memories are over. During high school one of my best friend was there still but just after a year I had to move somewhere else and my whole life changed after that. Attending this new high school I met a great deal of enemies and friends and there I built  great friendships with individuals and we were besties. Moving on to college he dropped out in the first year and we didn’t talk as much as we did. During this period I met another friend which soon became my best friend who lasted the longest up until the end of my second year at university before he decided to drop out which was shocking for me. I mean a few friends from the same college went to the same university as me but we wasn’t that close but there were a few convos made. Up until today I did have many best friends and some I have completely lost contact, some I don’t know what to say and some they don’t reply assuming they’ve changed numbers or they’re ignoring me. See that’s the beauty of life. Through the past 10 years of my life I have made many best friends but at the end of the day it’s not the same anymore and I feel lonely. Yes there are days where my “normal” friends at university or work colleagues will talk and have a laugh but it’s not the same with a best friend because the honest talks we had was real. No homo lol but you know what I mean. From high school until now I do have a good friend and that’s the girl I was chasing, Nicky. To me she’s more than a friend and I really hope I don’t lose her in the near future. So that conclude it about my life with friendship. Life goes on and we meet different people at different stages in our lives, but can there be one friend who can stick by you for so many years and not lose contact at all? It’s a shame that’s not me.

The Meticulous Scorpio Rooster Personality

The ancient Chinese illustrated the Rooster as a bright, quick, sociable character who is also a bit of a b Those people born in the astrological Year of the Rooster are assumed to gain some of these likeable but fussy characteristics. When the individual concerned is born under the Western Astrology sign of Scorpio these meticulous traits are strong. A Scorpio Rooster is great fun to be with and very loving if you can cope with their fastidious side. Their plentiful intelligence, wit and sociability often dominate this finicky mannerism and it more than makes up for their over fussiness.

A Scorpio Rooster is a fairly well balanced personality that can get along with most other people. These individuals are affectionate, caring and quite calm, they rarely show mood swings but may appear distant or aloof at times. Scorpio Rooster’s are often extremely organized and many will utilize these skills in professions that require them. These are friendly personalities who are hard working and highly inventive. Many of these Scorpio’s may consider self employment as they are inclined to be very good at spotting viable business opportunities.

Family is immensely important and special to the Scorpio Rooster and so when they decide to live independently they usually stay nearby. These personalities also value their friends and will show much loyalty towards them. This can cause issues when they embark upon a personal relationship and find that they have to divide and share their time. A Scorpio Rooster will sometimes take a lot of convincing to commit to long term partners without the reassurance of still having regular contact with their friends. A Scorpio Rooster benefits greatly from socializing as an escapism from work and the monotonous daily routines of life. They like to have a laugh to best unwind and relax and find their friends fit the bill every now and then.

Scorpio Rooster’s are sometimes a little bossy, impatient and forceful in their manner but it is usually well intentioned. It is just their way of encouraging and motivating others. These conscientious personalities are intelligent and often struggle to understand why everyone is not on the same level intellectually. They are normally excellent at explaining how to do things and can do so in numerous different ways but can occasionally lose their patience. In relationships they will search for partner’s that are able to understand their occasional impatience and not let it bother them too much.

The Scorpio Rooster’s character has a small weakness aside from his over tidiness that can cause him or her issues. This is the inclination to not know when to give up on something. These people tend to set their goals high often underestimating their ability or available time. Once they begin things a Scorpio Rooster will find it incredibly difficult to stop until they have finished. If they do not manage to achieve a task or ambition in life then they simply keep trying. They have to learn, sometimes the hard way, to differentiate between what is achievable and what is not.

• Some believe that #Scorpios take life too seriously
• #Scorpios intensity often drives them to devote themselves totally to causes they feel passionate about
• #Scorpio‘s are often single because they shut people out.
• #Scorpio Dislikes=exposure, simplicity, interruption, fake / dishonest people, being taken advantage of, broken promises
• #Scorpio‘s are extremely ambitious, persistent and determined.
• #Scorpio is often reserved and a little unsure of their place within a group at first, often observing instead of speaking.

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My Fitness Pal

Hi everyone! My secret to my fitness scheme! 🙂
A friendly app called “myfitnesspal” which I do recommend if you want to lose weight. All these years I always thought exercising would lose weight but I was wrong…well partly lol. I did go gym every day doing around 1 hour + worth of weight training and cardio but the process wasn’t the one I wanted. BUT that’s when I realised DIETING and eating less results to losing weight!!!

I started working out since the age of 15 and I must have been around 17 years old when I was at my prime…a very selfish pride at the time, still now lol…but over the years I lost around 60% of the glory and just last year I’ve been getting back into the vibe. I’ve realised both dieting and exercise is the perfect combo but if you have the commitment and time…

However I must stress the importance that during a normal of course day, it is difficult to maintain both dieting and exercise. Why? The reason is because take me for an example, I’m working in an office every weekday and using every fibre in my body to calculate figures and praying it’s not wrong lol, my stomach will rumble and forcing myself to starve is painful 😦 but that’s what I did for the past 6 months and the result is losing 5kg. In addition exercising around 10 minutes or doing simple stretches. Well using this app I did my best to stick to 1400 calories a day. Well initially it was 1200 calories but I raised the bar since I felt I wasn’t gaining enough nutrition in my body. If you don’t work but go university for example the result should the same. A chemistry friend once told me thinking too much/studying can even burn calories haha.

Since using this app I’ve been more careful at what I eat daily. I have used it constantly at the beginning but now it’s been on and off as I know what I should eat and which I should resist like a fat delicious cake or late night snacks. But with me I’ve realised what I tend to consume too much and these are protein and Vitamin C. I can’t help it, it’s part of my daily diet and in my family we eat large portions compared to an average family haha! But overall great app go download 🙂

Here’s the download link:

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.myfitnesspal.android

Wake up call

This week so far has been quite interesting. I mean work so far has been good. My driving theory is going the right way and I’m getting back into my gym mode.

My parents always scold me for coming back from work during the weekdays and sit playing on the computer. I already work my ass off every day at work staring at the computer. I mean really what else shall I do instead? Its 6:30pm…go out meet friends or party? Lol knowing me I won’t do that. Instead I’ve been going jogging for around 15 minutes around the block to burn a few calories and to stretch my leg muscles, since being stuck in an office for almost half of the day. And later on the night comitting to a minimum of 30 minutes strength training. Ohh and I’m officially 61kgs wohoo and pretty impressed I’ve been able to maintain it for over 6 months. Well starving purposely on some days and avoiding chocolate haha. Now I’ve realised how to gain muscle strength without sacrificing it and at the same time losing weight yeahh!!

But last night I did something which I shouldn’t have and that’s revisiting my past. What I mean is going through my old messages. Gosh it looked like I use to talk to her every day and look at now…once a month or probably longer…it hasn’t been the same since hmm…

It still doesn’t change the fact that I’m still deluded in my own world about having her one day. All the things she said that night was enough. Maybe she is right that I won’t be able to be with her. Maybe she is right that I deserve someone better than her. But people can change. I’m in the process atm but maybe I’m hoping too much for you. Love sucks. The night before yesterday I had a dream about you. Yes you read it correctly, a dream about you. But this lasted for like only a second, but at least it was worth it. All I saw was your smile and everything suddenly disappeared. Not much of a dream if you would like to describe it ha, but your smile was warming enough in my dreams. It’s ashame the reality sucks 😄

Family

Any Hong Kong movie fans out there? This movie always touches me when I revisit it. When I listen to the soundtrack of this, it always make me think of my family, on all the good memories and struggles we’ve been through. I’m lucky that my parents and brother are still here because I can’t imagine being without them. You start to realise when someone who use to be there beside you all the time and one day when they’re not there, you’ll feel lonely. Me and my brother have this relationship where no one could imagine how tight we are. I mean there are brothers or sisters out there who ain’t that close, but me and him…we’re really close. I still remember the first thing seeing him in Taiwan Airport is dropping my luggage and hugging him. Man that’s how much I missed him! It was good brotherly time in Taiwan 🙂 Back in those days we use to “cuss” each other out in a funny way and that brotherly relationship is impenetrable! With my parents, well they will at times get mad at you but it’s more of the happy memories that I cherish.

Family for me is very important. Even more than my troublesome love life. Sometimes I feel maybe I’ve known her for quite some time that we got use to each other. Some may still think I’m a kid but some people out there don’t even have a family and I’m lucky to be here! I love my family!!! 🙂

Back On Track

For the past two weeks I haven’t been happy and bloggers reading it can tell. Well the good news I feel I’m back on track. The past few days I’ve been retracing my steps and something just clicked. Maybe my heart has finally accepted the fact I will never get to be with her. Even though I think about her most of the time, the feeling is kinda dead. But don’t take me wrong I still have you in my heart and I don’t want to lose you but…reality sucks yep!

I’ve decided that I will try avoid some of the social websites because I find it’s consuming my time when I should be doing other things worth my time. My progress with my driving test is going to plan but I need to speed things up. Facebook is shit, Snapchat is gay, Tumblr I’ll give that a break, Twitter is still ongoing, Youtube wastes shit loads of time watching random stuff, and Instagram I’ll give that a rest with my personal account.

I dreamed a thousand new paths. . . I woke and walked my old one.

再會了

What My Plan Was…

When I was around 16 years of age it was that time when something hit me about thinking about my future. I can’t remember what exactly but it was something burning with passion to achieve success and wealth when I was older. Each year that came along felt like this plan of mine was slowly fading away. Why? When you look at your younger self in a metaphoric way, the things you would have said compared to the person you are now is quite different. Your thoughts are different.

When I look at this young 16 years old kid, I would say to him you’ll go far but how far…that will depend on your determination and courage that falls in your path. I do remember 5 years ago I was very confident and having a great determination at wanting to do well and achieving loads. Here was my plan originally:

“After finishing high school I move up to sixth form college in my school. During these two years I would take life a bit more serious and study harder. I wanted to get my full driving license. As you all may not already know I am a Buddhist and I chanted to really get into the university I wanted and that was Leeds University, a very prestige university. I don’t mind sharing this to you all but I made this deep attachment while I was chanting and I agreed at saying, if I got into Leeds University I would be able to find my true love there, but if I got into my second choice (which I am in now) I would struggle hard to find the one. And look at the outcome. As they say…beware what you wish for 😦 Carrying on my plan after graduating I would do a masters and go and qualify to be an ACCA accountant. It would have meant that I would carry on studying till around the age of 25+. The next plan after qualifying was to go out to the world and find a girl who can get along with and one day marry. And that was the initial plan up till that point”.

As you can see that was my plan when I was 16 years of age. I made a little amendment at the end haha, but yes I would focus solely on my career and ensuring I flourish in my academics to ensure I have great financial stability. But I never would have though I would focus my attention at finding the right girl now, and reading through my past posts I’ve been dwelling over this one girl who I deep down really want to be with.

So what I’m saying is yes I would “abandon” you and focus my heart at ensuring I flourish in my finance profession but I know I can’t do that. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again…I can’t lose you…I don’t want to lose you. The past few days I have been feeling down, but the REAL reason is because the harsh truth is I won’t be able to hold onto you in two years time. I feel each day that passes our friendship or this “connection” seems to fade away and I’m not doing much to prevent it from happening. I bet there are plenty of guys in two years time or even now who are nicer and better looking like Korean guys, so I won’t blame you if you decide to to go for those type. I’ve realised that the type of guy I am is wanting security. What I mean is financial security for my future and proving for my family if I do have one. And even love security. Haha I would like to hold onto you but I really doubt it. You have such great potential and who wouldn’t like to go for you. But if you’re wondering if I’m really interested in you and wouldn’t mess you around, then you don’t need to worry at all. I’m loyal as fuck!

One step at a time

I realised that everything is useless when the first step is not achieved.

Happiness…it wont last as I’ve realised that wanting to be with you is one thing but being happy is another. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and maybe she was right. I haven’t seen her for such a long time that I might lose interest in her. I know what her personality is like but seeing her in person is different. It’s been over three years. Time changes people for the good or the worse, but its how we perceive it individually.

I’ve finally got through my thick skull Nicky. I can’t force my way at loving you or let alone trying to have you. What will happen will happen and if it doesn’t it wasn’t meant to be. These past days I’ve really looked deep in myself and I think I’ve finally understand this. What I will be doing until my 2 years are up? I’ll improving myself and aiming for those goals I have laid down specifically on my blog previously. And maybe one day our path can cross and we’ll take it from there. Like they say take it one step at a time. If I can’t even reach the first time what’s the point? It’s not losing hope but facing the harsh reality. Tbh you’re one of the nicest girls I’ve met, but lets put my dream inside for once and live real. We’ll live our lives separately like we’re doing now, achieve the best we can and if it happens, it happens.

如果有一日我真係好想娶你. Being together isn’t that simple. Well it is but knowing me, thinking long term it’s quite difficult. See at this point I’m thinking too many steps ahead when I shouldn’t be. I need to live my life and achieve the things I need to do and hopefully I can have you or someone else will enter my life, but I hope not lol, because I only want you.

2 Years Time

tsangwinglun

Hey everybody 🙂 Today I would like to write a post about the near future, in two years time. Personally I have this time frame in my mind that the things I would like to do must be done within the next two years in my life, or else it’ll be too late. What do you mean?

Well ever I started sixth form (college) I’ve always had this perception where I need to find myself a girlfriend before I graduate. Many years have passed and now I’m doing a year placement and after that I’m back at university to complete my final course. Besides my troublesome love life, the things I need to do and the things I want to do needs to be done soon. Hope I haven’t confused you but personally there are things I would like to achieve, and so far it’s only the first step which…

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