Monthly Archives: March 2019
In The Morning
Maybe
Self-Reflection (1)
I’m going to start writing monthly self-reflection posts now, as I feel that when I get a chance to properly sit down and read through my blog, I can question my thoughts and ask why I’m doing certain things…ultimately to better one self. Until you take the journey of self-reflection, it is almost impossible to grow or learn in life…
The month of February had been a long and stressful time especially for my studies. Time had been ticking and although I’d done my best to block out the social media, I had struggled at absorbing the knowledge to prepare for my exam. To be honest, I’d been really frustrated with myself at feeling weak and not being able to reignite that flame I once had at studying well. I always went back to the point when I was at university and how I was able to cope with five stressful exams, and for me to have one exam in a few weeks times, I had been complaining like a little bitch. Jokes on me actually. I really had underestimated the time and commitment needed, but I pray I have passed this exam. I know for sure that for my next upcoming exam I know what I need to do. I’m not gonna go through that struggle again. Since graduating, it had been over two years since I revised but hopefully after this one, I shall learn from my mistakes and progress on with more confidence and conviction!
Sometimes it’s quite funny when you browse through social media and certain quotes hit you deep. For example: “Scorpio – They are very devoted to the ones they love or even to a certain idea. It would be difficult for them to lose the bond from which they are so attached to”. “Life has taught me that you can’t control someone’s loyalty. Being good to them doesn’t mean that they will treat you the same”. After reading those sentences in my mind, I tend to go blank for a few seconds which my mind drifts off into space. You think about certain individuals or past events. Most of the times those thoughts are sad and can be painful.
Real talk…I’m not proud of where I am right now, but why are you so hard on yourself? The truth hurts I won’t deny it. I’m in the process of doing my professional accountancy exams and that will take up to three years till I’m fully qualified. And within these three years what will happen? All I know is that right now, I’m in a job with a decent pay, still living with parents and not in sight at buying my own house…that shit sucks. Guess what, I’m 25 years of age and time ain’t stopping for nobody. I know you shouldn’t compare yourself to others but damn looking at other friends or the people around you…already have kids or have a job pay double my salary…that shit hurts man. There are times I feel like running away from all of this and start over again, but what does that prove? Just running away from my problems and hoping it all blows away?! It’s like I’m following a fixed pattern in my life and I can’t complain because I know there are people out there who are worse off. But I tend to set high standards of myself and no matter what I always try to be a better me if you get me. Yes I’ll get hurt in the process but I’ll be damn if I don’t succeed.
Always contemplating what I need to do next…if I’m not truly happy. Something needs to change and the only way that will ever happen is by taking action, words won’t be enough. It’s hard to fill that gap where you’ve built a long friendship with someone and one day you wake up knowing she ain’t there anymore. I miss having those real conversations because you could so easily lose track of time. I’ve realised that what’s important are the people around you which care about you…and not those far away or staring at a mobile phone hoping for some miracle.
Last but not least…love. I shared a post earlier on regarding the three different loves in life. When I read through that, I had those girls in my mind and I chuckled to myself. First, my college crush for a long long time…had to give up at the end of last year because my emotions took over and I feel I’ve lost her. Miss those late night conversations. It hasn’t been the same since then and I can never deny that she does run pass my mind sometimes, but what good does that do…nothing. Secondly, the girl who I met at during my time at university and yes I do miss her. Sadly, no matter how much I may miss her I cannot pass that line in this lifetime and for that reason I hate myself…maybe in the next life. Lastly, this is a girl who I don’t know well enough in the recent years and the lack of interaction just makes the connection feel sour. Maybe I don’t try hard enough, or I just don’t get the picture that she doesn’t like me haha. Whatever the case is, it would be nice to know her more and see her.
Let’s see where life takes me.
10 things overthinkers always do (but never talk about
- You apologise too much
- You seem more insecure than you really are
- You are really good at critical thinking
- You don’t sleep well
- You worry about making others happy
- You are the life of the party if you can relax enough
- You think every headache is a brain tumor
- You ask for a second opinion too often
- You wait for the phone to ring
- You look for reasons to stop overthinking
We Only Fall In Love With 3 People In Our Lifetime – Each One For A Specific Reason
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved”
Falling in love with the person that is your perfect fit is one of the best feelings in the world. Although it’s not uncommon to find yourself falling in love with the wrong person before getting to Mr. Right.
For many centuries philosophers and mystics believed that we only fall in love with three different types of people in our lifetimes. The “one that make us do stupid things”, “the one that break and make us” and “the one that does not need a special reason”.
1. The first love
“The heart wants what it wants”
We normally experience the first love at a very young age. It’s called the “idealistic love” and we mostly find this lover at our high school. This is the kind of love we see in fairy tales and Hollywood movies. The lovers will have high expectations about their relationships and believe that they will end up getting married and live in a beautiful house happily ever after. This love is very dramatic and incredibly romantic, hence we would do anything in our power to make it last as long as possible.
Then it comes to a stage where our own principals gets unimportant. We somehow will want the relationship to work and we will tend to think that is how “true love” is supposed to be.
2. The second love
“We are shaped and fashioned by who we love”
When compared to the first kind, the second love is much more complicated and difficult. This love will force us to understand “who we are as individuals”, “who our partners are” and “where we want to go in life”. As we are much grown in age and has become matured, this love will make us understand what kind of a person we want to live the rest of our life with.
We will experience manipulations, lies, deceit and will get hurt more often by our partners. As a result breakups may follow. We may forgive, make up again and again until we give up on the relationship entirely. This love usually end with a heartbreak and tears in our eyes, but this relationship will make us stronger. At the end we will understand the type of the person who is worthy of our trust and heart.
3. The third and final love
“I want all of you. Your flaws, your mistakes and your imperfections”
By this time, we no longer expect love to be a fairy-tale. We have experienced love to great depths and have emotionally, mentally and even physically suffered. The third kind of love will arrive into our lives unexpectedly. Initially when we met this person, we may not wanted to be in a relationship with them because their personality did not match with our at all. This love will be totally unplanned and arrive out of the blue. These factors will make the connection more strong and passionate.
This love will not be dramatic and romantic as the previous affairs, but will provide a far better peace of mind. The connection we build up with them, the support they provide us and the effort they insert to build a future with us will make the bond stronger. We will no longer have to hide our flaws and imperfections as they will accept us for who we are.
Even though we never imagined we’ll end up with this type of a person, we will be much happier from the inside.
For a person it can take a whole life to learn the lessons of love, or if you are lucky you may grasp all of them just in a few years. We have seen people who fell in love at the age of 50+ and enter matrimony. We also have seen people who have been married for many years and still love their partners passionately. This third kind of love could arrive to your life at any age and once you found it, its forever.
tsangwinglun 